Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling

[Mik]

Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling

An old angler once had told me

Be true to thine rod & reel

He said You'll ne'er be lonely

If you heed my holy spiel

I pondered on the banks

To every little word

Then cast my lures outward

And promptly struck a bird

Eventually I realised

Although I pondered hard

I hadn't really listened

To the smelly fishing bard

His words were full of wisdom

I knew this was no myth

For every night I saw him

With an esky full of fish

He musta had a reason

To impart his gift to me

I don't think that it was pity

That set his spittle free

So I fought my inhibitions

And made a solemn vow

To my trusty servo special

I'd be true to her somehow

I thunk a little longer

Until my brain went "click"

I imagine this 'ere caster

Was a really sexy chick

"Of course you are my only

I'll never stray from you"

Then I kissed her on the butt

I hoped no one was in view

I'm sure I heard her purring

As I swept her sweet form back

And she did a little shimmy

As the tip took up the slack

A breathless pause

The perfect cast was in the air

The zone was hit so sweetly

I felt no past despair

One little tug was all it took

The climax had begun

I stroked her handle gently

I knew she was the one

And all that day I fondled her

I took pleasure in her feel

My eyes had glazed right over

Then I heard a small girl squeal

Hurriedly I thrust her hard

And banged her in the boot

Then took off up the river track

Like a nervous bandicoot

The little girl I'm sure had thought

I was some weird and freaky dude

At fevers pitch with rod in hand

I spose it looked quite rude

With anxious trepidation

I dare not fish too soon

In case someone else might witness

My behaviour like a loon

Months went by but still I held

I began shaking like a leaf

But all too soon my patience broke

I had to fish to get relief

To a quiet spot I drove

And found a likely bank

I grabbed my rod and held it tight

It was a lovely ... blank

Rigging up I tried to think

Of what that old coot said

But my mind was filled with greedy thoughts

Of landing fish instead

Casting out I heard a sound

It was a shrilling cry

I watched with horror as the tip

Took line and tried to fly

It landed in the murky depths

With 50 yards of braided line

My trusty little special

Had left me for all time

A closer look at what was left

Revealed a tiny crack

I realised I'd neglected her

T'was too late to take it back

So now my palms have calluses

And I'm a very lonely man

It's a hard days fishing now

When you're using your own hand

The morale of this story

I supposed you can surmise

Is never forsake your treasured ones

For without them love will surely die

Of course the other morale of this story is that I'm bored, can't fish coz there's no bloody water out here without loads of algae & I'm having nightmares that all my rods & gear is going to rust before I get to EVER fish again!

Just for a laugh.

Edited May 27, 2007 by Boofhead

[Chris 55]

Boof no need to worry about your tackle going rusty

you need rain for that to happen

Why do I have visions of you fondling you rod

damn I'll have nightmares now damn you Mik

Chris

[Flightmanager]

Sounds like a " Country Practice " to me ! Mik , you seriously need to go fishing mate !! Spot X on the weekend?

Ross

[Mik]

Ross

That's the problem mate, there ain't no practice!

Spot X sounds great, all I gotta do now is find someone to replace me for a weekend & .....

Oh wait, I forgot, I'm irreplaceable

Chris

Sorry if I gave you nightmares mate

Edited May 27, 2007 by Boofhead

[Flightmanager]

Mik , what you need is the All New , Improved ROBO BOOFHEAD , now with extra Boof !! But wait , theres more !! With every Credit Card purchase of the New Improved ROBO BOOFHEAD , we will include , at no extra cost these fantastic Steak Knives !!

Stocks are limited , so order now to avoid disappointment!!

( I think I may have been watching too much late nite TV! )

Ross

[Mik]

Mik , what you need is the All New , Improved ROBO BOOFHEAD , now with extra Boof !! But wait , theres more !! With every Credit Card purchase of the New Improved ROBO BOOFHEAD , we will include , at no extra cost these fantastic Steak Knives !!

Stocks are limited , so order now to avoid disappointment!!

( I think I may have been watching too much late nite TV! )

Ross

Ross, I am very sorry to say that I was one step ahead of you mate!

I ordered my new & improved "ROBO-BOOFHEAD" via a dodgy internet site. There was no offer of steak knives but the ad did say;

Only 5 minutes to inflate

Every model comes with a basic accessories pack including

• Dishwasher Tool (Useless but its the thought that counts)
  
• Super smooth baby rocking cradle
  
• Lifelike man-child flailing tantrum arms
  
• Pool cleaning brush
  
• High pressure jet wash (Handy for those stubborn toilet bowl stains)
  
• Wobbly boots (With these fitted no one will tell the difference at parties)
  
• Rugged butch Lumberjack arms (For those who like to keep up appearances)
  
• Self cleaning undies
  
• Detachable "Cuddle Arms" so your ROBO-BOOFHEAD can sneak off without waking her
  
• Dumb Card Player Hands (So you can beat yourself at Poker when ROBO-BOOFHEAD sneaks off to join you in a game)
  
• "Through the head" ear holes, so the wife won't notice any difference
  
• Audio sensors that pick up the sound of your wife's pre-programmable voice & respond appropriately to over one thousand different questions (2 standard responses, "Yes Dear, No Dear", & your choice of over 1000 different grunting noises)
  

Custom accessories packs available on request,

Custom orders our specialty, send us your passport photo & within 10 working days you will receive your very own you!

Naturally I had to go the custom pack didn't I. Especially when there was a choice of the following;

• Extra lazy bastard - ensures your boss won't be suspicious when your ROBO-BOOFHEAD fills in for you at work (Standard on certain Public Servant Models)
  
• Extra drinks capacity - for the odd occasion when you can't be arsed going to the pub with your mates
  
• Super Deluxe Yes Man - When fully activated this option ensures you always have a buddy who will agree with your every word
  
• Sense Of Humour Option - Programmed to laugh long & loud at all your jokes, then gives a hi-5 & pronounces you "Da Man"
  

Note, the last 3 options not available with Lawyer models.

Well, as you can imagine I was very excited on the day of delivery, so excited in fact that I neglected to read the setup instructions (Particularly the bit about only inflating with mouth) I quickly got him into the shed & hooked him up to my trusty little air compressor. After only 10 seconds he was fully inflated & before I had time to react the hose came loose & he shot straight up into the air and then flew out the door & into the neighbors backyard.

I searched for about 10 minutes but my two gorgeous uni student twin neighbors arrived home & I had to sneak back home dejected.

Well, you'd think that was the end of it wouldn't you? No mate, not by a long shot.

2 days later I happened to be out the back & I heard a commotion next door. I peered over the fence & guess what I saw?

Yup, you got it in one. My neighbors had found my ROBO-BOOFHEAD, re-inflated him & were now frolicking naked in their pool with him. I couldn't see much but I did see a very familiar grin on his boof head & an evil glint in his eye.

The next day I see him out there mowing their lawn while they relaxed in banana lounges sipping iced-tea!

Every time I tried to sneak in & grab him back he would spot me & make a grab for his "Lumber Jack Arms". The only time I came close to surprising him he was wearing his detachable cuddle arms & by the time I got home & realized all I had were 2 arms it was too late.

To top it all off, 3 days ago I fell asleep on the couch, during a fitful slumber I swear I heard my wife giggling. Next morning I woke up to find my wallet missing, a six pack gone from the fridge and the bloody ute keys missing. I don't mind the wallet, beer & ute but my wife is acting all weird & keeps saying "Come on baby, show me those new moves again, ya big stud muffin!"

But today was the most indignant of all. During the night he snuck into the shed, hooked up the boat & hijacked her into the night. This morning I woke to the sound of my neighbors squealing with delight. Again I peered over the fence & here was meself, proud as punch, showing the flirty little nymphs his huge catch of Murray Cod, Rainbow Trout & sprouting some rubbish about having to come home early coz the esky couldn’t take any more fish!!!

I simply can't compete with meself!

Edited May 28, 2007 by Boofhead

[Flightmanager]

Mik , you need help mate .

Quickly!!

Ross

[Mik]

Hee hee

Yeah I know. Trouble is everyone else knows too