Ok Last Funny I Promise

[Guest Dont Shoot Da Chinamen]

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of

the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed

the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she

replied.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What

setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What

does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest

woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you.."

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good

idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding

anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that

because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The

wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and

calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman

to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"