Trailer Backing

[Davemmm]

Not sure who this is by but it is appropriate for most of us.

In my very early childhood, I learned to crawl and walk,

To use the potty on command, to gurgle, goo, and talk,

And in good time, I went to school, and learned to read and write.

To co exist in playgrounds. To run and jump, and fight.

When I grew up, I got a job. A wife, and family too.

In short, I did the kind of things that most men get to do.

And whilst my life may not have gained the ultimate success,

I can say, with modesty, it's not a total mess.

That's why I find it difficult to contemplate my failure

Despite my years of trying to, I still can't back a trailer.

All my friends who have one, seem to do it well,

So why do my attempts end up a journey into hell?

When I bought my trailer, six by four and painted green,

I thought it was the nicest trailer I had ever seen.

I hooked it on, and drove it home, determined to arrive

In a blaze of glory, by backing up the drive.

I knew the theory, left hand down, to back it to the right,

Right hand down to guide it left. As I said, I'm bright.

But theory into practise, though it may sound commonsense,

For me, seems quite impossible, and so, I hit the fence.

Quite a crowd soon gathered round. Advice was far from lacking,

With every new arrival asking: "Having trouble backing?"

I finally unhooked it, and wheeled it through the gate,

Up the drive, and round the back, so I could concentrate

On learning how to back it, this trailer so perverse

Instead of getting better, I kept on getting worse.

You can see where I've been learning, my area of practise,

The woodpile fence is broken, and all the shrubs are cactus.

The corner of the garage is gone, no trees are left alive,

And I've completely flattened both the down pipes in the drive.

The clothes hoist has a nasty bend. The sprinklers are no more,

And the imprint of the number plate is on the toilet door.

My backing reputation now, is legend in this town.

I'm down the street. Some smartarse says: "Hey Blue it's lefthand down."

But since I've bought my trailer, I have to persevere.

Accidents don't worry me. It's ridicule I fear.

So, when I take it to the dump, I hope no one's around,

But folk just seem to know I'm there. Spectators abound.

They hope I'm going to duplicate that trailer backing sin,

And go too near the edge again, and drop the damn thing in.

But finally, I've solved it. The problem's not so hard.

I only drive it forward now, when I'm not in the yard.

In the matter of reversing, there's really nothing to it.

When I need to back it, I just get the wife to do it.

EDIT: Just been told this poem is by Blue the Shearer AKA Col Wilson

Edited January 2, 2008 by davemmm

[tomahawk1999]

Ha ha ha,

every new trailer boat owner can identify with this post!

[fishguts]

not bad at all...and no buttrest!

..cheers!..stevo!..

[Harris]

I understand it very well. We've got my 78 year old father in law living with us (and his 4.5m Quinnie) and I can tell you, You don't need a blacktracker to find out where he's been. The side fence, both front gates, the house and the shed !!!. More hits than Elvis, Fair Dinkum.

Cheers,

Anthony.

Edited January 6, 2008 by Stuck

[bart]

GOD LOVE HIM. HE IS WHAT YOU CALL A PRECIOUS SENIOR CITIZEN. KEEPS THE PANEL BEATERS IN BUSINESS. GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY ALSO.

CHEERS BART

Edited January 6, 2008 by bart

[Harris]

Nah,

I'm not fixing anything for at least another 2 years (He's got to pass another driving test at 80) or until the nice man at the RTA says that the bus is a far safer option for him (and us).

Cheers,

Anthony.

[Harris]

To try to lessen the carnage, a few months back I fabbed up a towbar for the front of the old blokes Foreruiner in the hope it would make his job easier. Today the old feller's come home from fishing, reversed the boat into the start of the driveway, end for ended the Foreruiner and pushed the boat down into the backyard and under the carport where the Quinny lives. He's done his bit washing the boat etc. and has gone inside the house, had a shower and a feed etc. and then it's dawned on him that he needs to get to the chemist so he races out, jumps in the Foreruiner and reverses out of the driveway and onto the street, checking his mirrors so as to not cause any more carnage. He then looks forward and realises that he still has the Quinny hooked on !!!. I'm still shaking.

Cheers,

Anthony.