Blonde On Blonde

Dreamtime · July 15, 2008

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

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A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around

the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.

Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! ”

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A pretty blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune…

Bill, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kinds. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I�m blonde doesn�t mean that I�m automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year� namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo�? (I told him). �It�s been a year�!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so finally I just hung up�. He hasn�t called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won�t underestimate a blonde anymore. Heh.

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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.” The blonde said, “No. A bet’s a bet. You won the money.” So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”The blonde replied,… “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”

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A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,

and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe.

Nothing happened.

She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,

“What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her

to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,

…”HELLLLOOOO!!!

You need to roll up the windows.”

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A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn’t done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

“I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”

The Store Clerk replied, “Sorry about, that. We’ve had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?”

To which the Blonde answered, “It’s called ‘Head Cleaner’”.