Botany Bay

[Keflapod]

The alarm rings at 5:30am, Sunday morning.

It scares the carp out of me because I was awake already and didn't expect it to go off.

I think my mind was off already – off with the fishing pixies that is...

My 3 year old daughter is notorious for twiddling dials and flicking switches in the house.

This time she twiddled the volume dial on my clock radio alarm, from the level of "gently wake up" to

"GET THE HELL OUT OF BED NOOOOOOOWWWWW!!".

The 3 decibels of volume I had set became 3000 decibels of hair-straightening, eardrum-blowing force.

Once I extracted my head out of the ceiling I pulled open the blinds to get an accurate weather forecast.

Surely that's how the weather forecasters do it, right ? (judging by the accuracy of some predictions).

OK – I checked seabreeze website and saw the anemometer readings were 16knots W.

Too much for my delicate gluteus ultra-maximus.

I stayed on the internet to try to build my enthusiasm to get out early - by surfing some fishing stuff.

It worked alright – in fact by 7:00am I was champing at the bit –and realizing it was now 7:00am I was late !

I was just a blur as I raced to the car. I got to the boatramp 7:10 (It helps when you live 300m away from the ramp).

I was driving down the river at breakneck speed (all of 21knots – like the millennium falcon in hyperdrive) and hoping I would actually get that hapuka near the oil wharf… and that 80kg kingie on the hot water outlet…the delusions we have on the way to the spot, eh? Well OK maybe it's just me that has these fisho-fantasies but the internet videos really blow my expectations thru the roof...

How could I be exaggerating with an 80kg kingie? I'm a fisherman and we fishermen NEVER exaggerate – right ?

While driving into the bay, I saw that I had the wind on my back but I didn't realize that it was still blowing maybe 13knots.

I stopped at the oil wharf, the anchor bit into the seabed and the pendulum motion began. The temp guage said 17 degrees.

The next 5 hours saw me wish I had packed a game of scrabble with me and I should have played myself. Who else can I play?

No-one else on the boat, not even anyone talking on the radio. Even if I play myself at scrabble, with my luck, I would STILL have lost.

I had a few bites – good ones – kept me on my toes (I don't mean I was doing pirouettes, OK) but they were all just undersized reds.

Those nearly legal snapper often have me thinking there's a decent bream coming up.

Then Mr Waterways asked me to move away from the oil refinery wharf, but I was sure I was 100m away. Apparently not.

That westerly was cruel, cold and calculating. I had to put on all my jackets and I probably looked like the Michelin man, before I was comfortable.

The wife rang me and asked how I was going.

I said "by boat – how did you think I was going? By swimming?"

I could just feel her rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.

She told me I was a goose, so I said "…and yet you still married me – who's the bigger goose?"

So she asked her self what was she thinking when she married me….

I told her "She wasn't, and nuthin's changed has it?"

I then told her "You can't bullshit a bullshitter."

I decided I would just answer her original question and tell her I only got a handful of fish.

She laughed on the phone at me and my fishing result. She then asked me to "Come home…."

So then it was MY turn to laugh….. "you want me to come home? Why? So you can have me vacuum the ceilings and wash the mattress - I'll take my chances here.."

As hard as it is to believe, we actually DO get along well….god lover her….

I went searching as I always do (for fish, not for another wife) but when the water is 16.0 – 17.0 degrees and the water is stormwater dirty, then finding them is a big ask. Too big for me.

I only managed to get 3 bream and two whiting and they took a lot of finding.

One spot I fished had about 50 shags sitting on the groyne. They also couldn't find them.

Pretty tough when even the shags strike out.

Funny about how some animal groups have a funny name, like "A pride of lions" or "A gaggle of geese".

What would you have called this bird group?

A brothel of shags? Hmmm, maybe not - probably a disaster of shags....

The best bream went 38cm and the whiting went 40 and 42cm – nice fish but I caught a lot of branches between those fish.

I always say to myself that I'll give the fishing a break next weekend as the results are not worth it.

But by Friday afternoon, I can't wait to get home and get the gear ready for another crack at that 80kg kingie (on bream gear).

We just never learn - there will always be a reason to get out there and try to catch a fish - even if we just want to avoid housework...

Tony

Edited June 5, 2011 by Keflapod

[ilovebulldogs]

Very Nice

[t187]

i was out this morning as well. was looking forward to testing out the new downrigger i picked up but sad to say its botany bay 1 - scotty DR 0...

only stayed out for 2 hours i'd say, tried molly, drums and the oil wharf, too cold n windy for my likes so got the hell outta there.

Ps tried for squid no go. and managed to find some yakkas but they went untouched...

Oh well, theres always next week!

btw what channel you use on the radio? i flick through every now and then but never hear anyoen either

[dhype]

Hey Tony -

Very entertaining read! Especially the bit with the wife!

Some nice fish you have there and that's great looking branch too.. one of the better looking ones I've seen!

I'm currently stuck in a hotel room on the other side of the the world.. no fishing for a few weeks!! but looking at the reports coming in- there is not too much happening in Botnay so that kinda makes me feel better (sort of!).

Cheers

Trung

Edited June 5, 2011 by dhype

[BUSTER 1]

GREAT READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sammy]

This is the funniest thing I've read all weekend! Great read and good catch as well Bravo!

[one fishes]

That was GOLD im still laughing as I type good read keep it up

[Penguin]

Well done on a very funny and entertaining report,

I hate reading long reports but yours was the exception

cheers

[Mondo Rock]

Great read Tony - good one.

[RodHolder]

Great read mate.

And you know if you dont go you WILL regret it later on.

In winter your damned if you do & damned if you dont!!!

[Keflapod]

Hey fellas,

Winter is a time when I reckon we have a bit of time to read reports because there isn't much else to do.

So I go out of my way to write up something that's factual but somewhat exaggerated for the purposes of a laugh.

I didn't actually pull my head out of the ceiling...

Taleb87,

I do have the radio on - to hear what's going on with the chartwer boats on 27.82 Mhz.

No-one has been chatting for a couple of weeks - the swells have been up a bit.

Trung,

You're stuck in a hotel room for a few weeks?

Are you in prison?

What did you do to deserve that ?

Tell them you're sorry, pay your fine and come back to Botany bay and catch nothing like the rest of us!

Penguin,

Thanks for your kind words.

I do my best (or should that be, my worst...)

Rodholder,

You have said in 8 words what it took me 1000 words to say.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

But you would be damned AND pissed off if some mongrel like me went fishing while you stayed at home and I caught a bunch of fish, then posed off on the website like Leo Wayne-Kerr.....

Edited June 6, 2011 by Keflapod

[Pongrass18ft]

The alarm rings at 5:30am, Sunday morning.

It scares the carp out of me because I was awake already and didn't expect it to go off.

I think my mind was off already – off with the fishing pixies that is...

My 3 year old daughter is notorious for twiddling dials and flicking switches in the house.

This time she twiddled the volume dial on my clock radio alarm, from the level of "gently wake up" to

"GET THE HELL OUT OF BED NOOOOOOOWWWWW!!".

The 3 decibels of volume I had set became 3000 decibels of hair-straightening, eardrum-blowing force.

Once I extracted my head out of the ceiling I pulled open the blinds to get an accurate weather forecast.

Surely that's how the weather forecasters do it, right ? (judging by the accuracy of some predictions).

OK – I checked seabreeze website and saw the anemometer readings were 16knots W.

Too much for my delicate gluteus ultra-maximus.

I stayed on the internet to try to build my enthusiasm to get out early - by surfing some fishing stuff.

It worked alright – in fact by 7:00am I was champing at the bit –and realizing it was now 7:00am I was late !

I was just a blur as I raced to the car. I got to the boatramp 7:10 (It helps when you live 300m away from the ramp).

I was driving down the river at breakneck speed (all of 21knots – like the millennium falcon in hyperdrive) and hoping I would actually get that hapuka near the oil wharf… and that 80kg kingie on the hot water outlet…the delusions we have on the way to the spot, eh? Well OK maybe it's just me that has these fisho-fantasies but the internet videos really blow my expectations thru the roof...

How could I be exaggerating with an 80kg kingie? I'm a fisherman and we fishermen NEVER exaggerate – right ?

While driving into the bay, I saw that I had the wind on my back but I didn't realize that it was still blowing maybe 13knots.

I stopped at the oil wharf, the anchor bit into the seabed and the pendulum motion began. The temp guage said 17 degrees.

The next 5 hours saw me wish I had packed a game of scrabble with me and I should have played myself. Who else can I play?

No-one else on the boat, not even anyone talking on the radio. Even if I play myself at scrabble, with my luck, I would STILL have lost.

I had a few bites – good ones – kept me on my toes (I don't mean I was doing pirouettes, OK) but they were all just undersized reds.

Those nearly legal snapper often have me thinking there's a decent bream coming up.

Then Mr Waterways asked me to move away from the oil refinery wharf, but I was sure I was 100m away. Apparently not.

That westerly was cruel, cold and calculating. I had to put on all my jackets and I probably looked like the Michelin man, before I was comfortable.

The wife rang me and asked how I was going.

I said "by boat – how did you think I was going? By swimming?"

I could just feel her rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.

She told me I was a goose, so I said "…and yet you still married me – who's the bigger goose?"

So she asked her self what was she thinking when she married me….

I told her "She wasn't, and nuthin's changed has it?"

I then told her "You can't bullshit a bullshitter."

I decided I would just answer her original question and tell her I only got a handful of fish.

She laughed on the phone at me and my fishing result. She then asked me to "Come home…."

So then it was MY turn to laugh….. "you want me to come home? Why? So you can have me vacuum the ceilings and wash the mattress - I'll take my chances here.."

As hard as it is to believe, we actually DO get along well….god lover her….

I went searching as I always do (for fish, not for another wife) but when the water is 16.0 – 17.0 degrees and the water is stormwater dirty, then finding them is a big ask. Too big for me.

I only managed to get 3 bream and two whiting and they took a lot of finding.

One spot I fished had about 50 shags sitting on the groyne. They also couldn't find them.

Pretty tough when even the shags strike out.

Funny about how some animal groups have a funny name, like "A pride of lions" or "A gaggle of geese".

What would you have called this bird group?

A brothel of shags? Hmmm, maybe not - probably a disaster of shags....

The best bream went 38cm and the whiting went 40 and 42cm – nice fish but I caught a lot of branches between those fish.

I always say to myself that I'll give the fishing a break next weekend as the results are not worth it.

But by Friday afternoon, I can't wait to get home and get the gear ready for another crack at that 80kg kingie (on bream gear).

We just never learn - there will always be a reason to get out there and try to catch a fish - even if we just want to avoid housework...

Tony

Tony don't forget we're all born inocent then we turn into either crazy fisherman , bull shit artists , couch potatoes , lemons , bludgers , etc etc etc.

I,m glad to fit the crazy fisherman scene mate i don;t need an alarm because i just keep looking at the clock saying 1 more hour till my friend turns up and i don't think i could be any more happier .

Good work on catching a feed mate and putting up with the ice cold wind i did the same and can't wait to get out and about again.Atleast the fish are co operating for our efforts.

chris

[hookmeup]

Good catch but an even better read, keep it up

[Bruce the Postie]

A brothel of Shags ,i like that.With your permission i would like to add this to my list of collective nouns.

You write the way i think,if only i was capable of transfering my thoughts from brain to finger.

Thanks for the entertainment Tony,looking forward to your next installment.

Cheers,

Bruce