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G'day Raiders,

This one is particularly appropriate this morning.

Bad hangover. :wacko:


Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.

The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even

around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us

when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I

want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel

that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls: While I agree with you that communication is important,

question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or

necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those

ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want

to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest

that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with

cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with

a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream chips?

I'm an eclectic eater, but think you went too far this time.

3.Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need

to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the

issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary,

and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the

next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more

than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock!!

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting

ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's

debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is

completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the

proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,

aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the

kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal

& in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure

that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great

stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed

companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in

my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully

review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look

for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your

possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful


Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. Things that are difficult to say when you're


a ) Innovative

b ) Preliminary

c ) Proliferation

d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

a ) Specificity

b ) British Constitution

c) Passive-aggressive disorder

d ) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a ) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

b ) Nope, no more booze for me.

c ) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

d ) No kebab for me, thank you.

e ) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

f ) I'm not interested in fighting you.

g ) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

h ) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd

hate to look like a fool.

i ) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

j ) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning

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