Dreamtime Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Nº1 The Scots father: - Ian are ye done? - Ay dad. - Jock are ye done? - Ay dad. - Mary have ye finished? - Ay father. - Janet have ye finished? - Ay father, I have. - Ok then you can pull the chain... Nº 2 - Hamish go ask Mr Mc Taggart for the loan of his hammer. - Mr Mc Taggart nae at hame pa. - OK then go ask Mr Mc Beith for the loan of his hammer. - Mr Mc Beith has lent his to Mr Forsyth. - Well get ye to Mr Forsyth's house and ask him for the loan of the hammer. - Mr Forsyth's away in Glasgow. - Ach well ye'll just have to use our hammer then Nº3 Jimmy went to the red light district and picked up a prostitute. He asked her: - How much? - 50 pounds - she replied. - Are ye into S&M? - Are you going to dish it out or am I? - asked the prostitute. - I'm going to dish it out! says Jimmy - Are you going to beat me a lot? - No, only until you gove me me money back! Nº 4 A Scotsman went to confession: - Father forgive me for I think I've sinned. 55 years ago I gave a war refugee shelter. How grave is my sin? - My son, you have committed no sin. That was charity. - But Father I charged her rent. - Ah well now, that is a sin. Say 3 Hail Marys and one Our Father... - Thank you Father. Oh just one question, should I tell her the war is over? Nº 5 Jock went to put an announcement in the paper. - I'd like to put a death anuouncement for my wife. - Of course, sir, what would you like to say? - Janet died! - Just that? asked the man. - Yes, I do not wish to spend to much. - Well sir, the minimum charge allows for five words. - Oh very well, put down. Janet died. Car for sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemu Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I see the funny side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewgaffer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Good stuff Mariner Cheers jewgaffer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robeebee Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 N0. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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