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Scottish Economy


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The Scots father:

- Ian are ye done?

- Ay dad.

- Jock are ye done?

- Ay dad.

- Mary have ye finished?

- Ay father.

- Janet have ye finished?

- Ay father, I have.

- Ok then you can pull the chain...

Nº 2

- Hamish go ask Mr Mc Taggart for the loan of his hammer.

- Mr Mc Taggart nae at hame pa.

- OK then go ask Mr Mc Beith for the loan of his hammer.

- Mr Mc Beith has lent his to Mr Forsyth.

- Well get ye to Mr Forsyth's house and ask him for the loan of the hammer.

- Mr Forsyth's away in Glasgow.

- Ach well ye'll just have to use our hammer then


Jimmy went to the red light district and picked up a prostitute. He asked her:

- How much?

- 50 pounds - she replied.

- Are ye into S&M?

- Are you going to dish it out or am I? - asked the prostitute.

- I'm going to dish it out! says Jimmy

- Are you going to beat me a lot?

- No, only until you gove me me money back!

Nº 4

A Scotsman went to confession:

- Father forgive me for I think I've sinned. 55 years ago I gave a war refugee shelter. How grave is my sin?

- My son, you have committed no sin. That was charity.

- But Father I charged her rent.

- Ah well now, that is a sin. Say 3 Hail Marys and one Our Father...

- Thank you Father. Oh just one question, should I tell her the war is over?

Nº 5

Jock went to put an announcement in the paper.

- I'd like to put a death anuouncement for my wife.

- Of course, sir, what would you like to say?

- Janet died!

- Just that? asked the man.

- Yes, I do not wish to spend to much.

- Well sir, the minimum charge allows for five words.

- Oh very well, put down. Janet died. Car for sale.

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