Sharky Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
femalefisho Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Very funny! Good to have a laugh at this hour!!!!! Good stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swansea_fisho Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aron Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Im going to print that and use it when my daughter gets older Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hooked Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I keep telling my wife that this is what I'll be like when we have daughters.....It's great to see there are other nutbags like me around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outnumbered Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 i dont find anything funny about that list. it's a pretty reasonable one that will be printed off and handed out to anyone intending to date one of my daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limbo Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Good one. With my daughter nearly at dating age, it will come in useful at some stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 What a beauty, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pk-fishn Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 (edited) im on the other end of the spectrum only beeing 16, if my girlfriends dad was like that id shit myself!!! nice one hopefully you guys dont take it too seriously Edited October 7, 2006 by pk-fishn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tafc010 Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 im on the other end of the spectrum only beeing 16, if my girlfriends dad was like that id shit myself!!! nice one hopefully you guys dont take it too seriously Excellent, it works then, I have two girls 17 & 16. Remember this. A man who lives with three girls will surley go to heaven because God knows he has already lived in Hell. CYA Geoff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wetpatch Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Im going to print that and use it when my daughter gets older Same here this is going to be a contract for all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoda Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 (edited) Teenage boys take heed, or you may be swimming with the fishes instead of chatting with the fishraiders. Edited October 9, 2006 by Yoda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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