Dreamtime

Remarkable to say the least.

I was so moved by George W awarding John Howard several prizes this week, that I was reminded of his early years in politics... and the potential he showed even then. I thought that I should share this story with you. Trevor was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilise the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was old John, and a very fine specimen he was too. But on this particular morning Trevor noticed that John's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to farmer Trevor's amazement, John had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of John, he entered him in the Sydney Easter Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result. The judges not only awarded John the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly John was a great pullitician: Who else but a pullitician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Now you know how a Pullitician named John got his start in politics! Mind you, as he got older, he turned his attention to feeding the chooks, rather than ringing their bells.

Hope you all enjoyed the weekend. Sorry to have missed it. Look forward to reports over the next few days. Cheers Mariner

A photo might help.

Trim tabs can be used similar to brakes on a car. Dig them in to slow you down in a following sea.

Did it have retractable wheels?

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting..... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!

Nº1 The Scots father: - Ian are ye done? - Ay dad. - Jock are ye done? - Ay dad. - Mary have ye finished? - Ay father. - Janet have ye finished? - Ay father, I have. - Ok then you can pull the chain... Nº 2 - Hamish go ask Mr Mc Taggart for the loan of his hammer. - Mr Mc Taggart nae at hame pa. - OK then go ask Mr Mc Beith for the loan of his hammer. - Mr Mc Beith has lent his to Mr Forsyth. - Well get ye to Mr Forsyth's house and ask him for the loan of the hammer. - Mr Forsyth's away in Glasgow. - Ach well ye'll just have to use our hammer then Nº3 Jimmy went to the red light district and picked up a prostitute. He asked her: - How much? - 50 pounds - she replied. - Are ye into S&M? - Are you going to dish it out or am I? - asked the prostitute. - I'm going to dish it out! says Jimmy - Are you going to beat me a lot? - No, only until you gove me me money back! Nº 4 A Scotsman went to confession: - Father forgive me for I think I've sinned. 55 years ago I gave a war refugee shelter. How grave is my sin? - My son, you have committed no sin. That was charity. - But Father I charged her rent. - Ah well now, that is a sin. Say 3 Hail Marys and one Our Father... - Thank you Father. Oh just one question, should I tell her the war is over? Nº 5 Jock went to put an announcement in the paper. - I'd like to put a death anuouncement for my wife. - Of course, sir, what would you like to say? - Janet died! - Just that? asked the man. - Yes, I do not wish to spend to much. - Well sir, the minimum charge allows for five words. - Oh very well, put down. Janet died. Car for sale.

Great Lizard there Ian The fish in the lake system must be shaking in their weedbeds by now. Well done to Marc - he must be stoked Cheers Carl

Yes, not far in from the entrance. Good luck. Cheers Mariner

Great bag there. Gotta love those cuttlefish, looks like the budgie even got something to chew on Looks like a good idea for a squid social.

Good one Ian. The fish population down there are shit scared enough without you introducing another family member You sure that's not you after a shave Cheers Carl

The bar there has claimed several lives over the years. There is a sign post at the bar highlighting this fact. I crossed it several times when last there some years ago without much problem. One crossing on return into the river system was a bit hairy and got the adrenalin going. So much so I forgot to drop my speed to the required limit and was pulled up by the coastguard some 50 metres inside. All was okay though as I had the required safety gear on board. A couple of points to mention: the beach just inside the bar is very inviting and of course we had a swim there and took the opportunity to give the boat a wash in the crystal clear water. Beware, there are shitloads of stingrays laying on the sandy bottom there in very shallow water. Around 1 Km off shore from the bar we had a ball getting stuck into some stomper lizards, and in the inlet itself the smaller legal size lizards were in abundance but could only be enticed with live poddy mullet. The mullet are easily caught just up from the caravan park. Make sure you take your mullet trap with you. Oh, and the prawns we caught around the front of the van park were delicious also. Don't forget your prawn net and a good strong torch. Hope this helps. Cheers Mariner

According to World Weather forecast.com Honiara topped the Worlds wettest place on Monday this week with 203mm I don't know how the weather has been in your neck of the woods but it has been very crappy here since the weekend. Doesn't look like it will improve for a few days yet. Our marine forcast:- http://www.met.gov.sb/MARINE-FORECAST.htm Satellite photo:- http://www.bom.gov.au/products/IDX1299.shtml Hope your weather is kinder Cheers Mariner

Great day had by all it appears. Pity about the larger models not wanting to play. How do you cook the trevors? I only ever use them for bait but heard they were quite nice if smoked. Good to see the young bloke enjoying himself. Not long before he outcatches dad. Cheers Mariner

Here's a photo a mate sent me of Mt Tavurur erupting on December 17 2008

Not sure what others use when bait fishing but I always use a 1/0 suicide when fishing for bream. I only use a long shank when targetting flatties. Try this link for some more knots that make help you. http://www.rexhunt.com.au/fishing-tips-knots Cheers Mariner

It's a happy moment when the pain stops! I wonder - are they still painful if you get spiked after the fish has died? If that's the case that they don't, then it would be easier to drop them straight into an ice slurry without holding them, thus no risk of getting spiked. Can someone try that and let me know Cheers Mariner

Beaut feed of bream there, well done. Look like they're ready to be popped in the oven Bit of butter, slice of lemon or two, cracked pepper and some garlic. Wrapped in foil - hey presto! My mouth is watering now. What bait were you using? And what size and type of hook. Cheers Mariner

As usual Ian, your plan always comes to fruition. Very healthy looking whiting there and a damned stomper bream. Great effort and a Happy New Year to you and Melissa, Bryce, Christie, Taneka and Robbie Cheers Carl Thanks for the PM

Brings a new meaning to the name Spiderman. I reckon it's a Funnel Web, you normally only find Trapdoors in the undies

I'm always available

I think they are filming Waterworks 2 with Kevin Kostner

Not to shabby at all. Doesn't get much better than that. Cheers Mariner